I realize this isn’t always a cute or easy topic to discuss, but I’m not always cute and easy. (That’s what she said.) Ever since I can remember, I’ve always stewed in my own juices when I get anxious or stressed. I lose sleep over the tiniest thing and worry and worry until my stomach is in knots and I can’t even eat or function. My most recent example: Lila has a kid in her class that has been giving her a hard time. It started with him teasing her that while she may be taller, he is stronger and they ended up in a shoving match. It’s now led to him taking advantage of her by stealing stuff from her or just outright demanding it. I of course bubbled it up to her teacher and am working with Lila on how to stand up to him. I absolutely adore her teacher and know that this will all work itself out, and it’s something we’ve all had to deal with in some fashion growing up – being bullied. So as my husband says, we can’t just handle Lila’s shit for her, she needs to learn at a young age how to take care of herself, how to say no, and how to recognize people who are taking advantage of her, and the sooner she does that for herself, the better. But it’s cost me two nights of sleep since it went down, some tears to my husband and mom, and a lot of undo stress. This is a more serious example but I have about forty million I could give on the things that keep me up at night that aren’t worth the stress. But you’re not here to read about my shit as you have your own shit too. You’re here for some advice on how to cope with the everyday (and not so everyday) bullshit.

Step 1. Talk to someone. It sounds so basic, right? And I don’t mean it as in, go talk to a shrink. I mean, pick a friend or family member who knows you to your core and talk to them. I will get mad at myself thinking, “Why am I even stressed over this? It is stupid and insignificant!” So, I don’t even say those emotions or thoughts aloud to anyone. Instead, I fester, I let that tiny ass thought that used to be small and insignificant get bigger. And then I lose nights and nights of sleep, and it turns into an even larger issue because then I am stressed AND exhausted. So here goes: Just say that shit aloud! It can be as simple as telling your significant other, best friend, or parent, “I know this sounds silly but I keep stressing out about money right now!” Or, “I have no idea why but I feel extremely anxious about a conversation I have to have with my peer at work.” It seems silly to you so you feel you are “bothering” someone to even discuss it. You’re not. Get that shit out in the open. Every time I finally open my mouth and have another (and often times more reasonable) human being just hear me out and be a sounding board, I feel better. They don’t give me answers, they just listen but it helps!

Step 2: Make an end date. Once you get a handle on what’s bugging you, allow yourself to be irked, but give it an expiration date. With the kid at Lila’s school that’s giving her a hard time, in my mind I am allowing myself to worry about it until Friday. If it seems like Lila has shut him down, the teacher has addressed it, and the kid is not being a fuck stick anymore, I will not begrudge him, I will move on. If you know you’re anxious over a presentation at work, let yourself think of all the ‘what ifs’ and then give it an expiration date. You give zero fucks come Thursday morning about what is going to happen with your presentation that afternoon, because what’s done is done and you are as prepared as you’re going to be.

Step 3: Work out. When I am stewing in my own juices, sometimes literally sweating the anxiety out of me helps. Plus it does help me sleep better at night as my husband likes to remind me. So if you physically exhaust yourself in a healthy way, it’ll allow you to rest easy and not keep awake fixating on that “one thing” that is bugging you.

Step 4: Girl time. Or Boy time. Whoever it is in your tribe that is your go-to person that always lifts your spirits, get to them. Call them. Whatever it takes. For me, it’s my cousin, Mary. Every single time we get together, we have fun. We can be at a dingy ass bar or just having dinner catching up and she makes me LAUGH. Laugh until my sides hurt and tears are running down my eyes. And I am blessed that this happens pretty much every time we get together. I walk away from our nights out together feeling physically lighter. It’s no fucking lie that laughter is the best medicine. So call up that friend that makes you feel downright giddy and just laugh until you don’t give a shit anymore.

Step 5: Know that some shit is out of your hands and it is okay to say no. I am a complete and utter control freak. If I could sacrifice my life to ensure my girls never had to deal with some of the shit I’ve had to deal with, I would without thinking twice, but that is just not reasonable or sane. So it’s not being negligent or ambivalent to just say, “Fuck this shit, I am not going to do what you are asking me to do.” My mom gave me some great advice in high school if I was stressed over something I didn’t want to do but felt I had to. She told me, “If there is something you don’t want to do, just tell yourself aloud how you aren’t going to do it, no matter what, and once you put that out into the universe and make up your mind, it’s done. And don’t budge!!” It’s comical because it’s the same logic as telling yourself you Do want something to happen so you make it happen, i.e.: the power of positive thinking. In my case it is the power of negative thinking ha ha! If my husband wants to go sky diving when we are on vacation and I don’t, I just say no. This is a hypothetical example because my husband knows I’d sooner choose to get run over by a car than jump out of a plane. But he is ballsier than I am and we both know that. So if he wants to do something, I will never hold him back, but it sure as fuck doesn’t mean I am going to do it too. So if you have a friend pressuring you to take a trip to a place you have no desire to go to, or your sister wants you to join a speed dating group with her but you’d rather get a root canal than do that shit, DO NOT do it. Don’t stress yourself out and agonize over it. You aren’t five years old anymore. You know what you like and what you don’t like, and if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you don’t want to do whatever the thing is you are dreading, just don’t fucking do it. Find your voice, pull up your big girl panties and say, “No way fucker, life is too short to say yes to shit I hate.” I am not saying don’t try new things or don’t get out of your comfort zone. It is good to feel a little uncomfortable at times. But if you are truly dreading something to where you won’t even get an ounce of enjoyment or growth out of it or you’re losing sleep over it, there’s your sign. It’s telling you that you don’t need that shit. Now let’s all go have a beer!